I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Randomize
