Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize