Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
