I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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