Pappa wants mamma naked
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
my shit smells like andre
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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