Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
