I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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