was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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