we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
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