i think my tv is drunk
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
