well you can't waste a boner
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
