He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Randomize