who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I can't put those talents on a resume
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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