In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I need to calm my uterus...
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
