if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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