You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
a search helicopter?!
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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