THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
We need to get me chipped asap
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
