cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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