My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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