My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
