just tell him i said nine months
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize