I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
