You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
