I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
