so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
