hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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