I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
