Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
