A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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