best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
