11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
