alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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