Soap is not a condiment
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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