You're so nebulous sometimes
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
