we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
