we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
