you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize