enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
