she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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