i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
