I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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