butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Randomize
