Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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