Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Randomize
