Who did Billy Mays play for?
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
