You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
