Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
