the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
