would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
