hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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