Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
