sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
