i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
You did what with his pubic hair?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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