my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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