Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
