Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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