i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
