I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
We're too hungover to prance.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
