I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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