I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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