Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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