do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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