I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Randomize