Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
