Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
