im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
