I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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