Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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