No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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