I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize