get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
