took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
