someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
