Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
