True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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