she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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