no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
