I hate all girls vehemently.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
