Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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