if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
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