i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I am available for nakedness
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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