i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I think i peed on brittanys purse
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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