Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize