Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
