Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
