I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
