and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
