Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
