it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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