My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
