Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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