Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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